| I think I'm slowly going crazy. Recently, I've been finding myself mixing dreams with reality. For the past week, I've been experiencing a lot of sleep paraylsis and getting hallucinations when I'm drifting between sleep and being awake. They were really starting to freak me out...as well as the people I told about my crazy experiences. For example, one night I felt myself being dragged off the bed, and another night, being picked up by something/someone and getting thrown out of the window; only to wake up and find myself still safe on my bed and breaking out in a cold sweat. Just last night, I woke up every hour and kept having recurring nigthmares. Imagine telling my mother this, she'll be sending a demonologist to my dorm or something. I don't know what's going on with me. It might just be the stress, but I decided to research on the possible sleeping disorder I might be plagued with. It turns out that I might be having something called an "incubus attack", which is a combination of sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinaions. Part of the cause...well, a BIG part of the cause is that I get interrupted with stints of waking up and falling back asleep BECAUSE my room is unusually noisy. The heater is very noisy when it's turned on, but still not as bad as the sounds my refrigerator makes or the sounds of flushing from the bathroom across the hall or the loud and inconsiderate people who scream or run down the hall at 3am.
Sleep is supposed to be a time to relax and recharge, not getting dragged and thrown by your imaginary fiend. I hope this will end soon because for now, I dread my bedtime. |
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| 如何让你遇见我
在我最美丽的时刻 为这
我已在佛前 求了五百年
求他让我们结一段尘缘
佛于是把我化作一棵树
长在你必经的路旁
阳光下慎重地开满了花
朵朵都是我前世的盼望
当你走近 请你细听
那颤抖的叶是我等待的热情
而当你终于无视地走过
在你身后落了一地的
朋友啊 那不是花瓣
是我凋零的心
(席慕容) |
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| This past weekend was just terrible. The cold and rain alone was enough to demotivate me from doing any schoolwork. I really admire all those people who stood out in the rain for hours watching the PSU v. Iowa game....in which we lost, by the way. I watched a very interesting Korean movie called "Oldboy". Crazy plot + excellent acting + lots of taboo + extended sex scenes all in one package. When in doubt, watch a Festival de Cannes award recipient; I assure you shall never be left disappointed. anyway, time for my usual Chinese blogging section: 当你决定把秘密说出来的时候开始，就等于弃权, 这个秘密从此以后再也不属于你一个人. 想后悔也来不及了....也不要怪别人把你的秘密传出去。所以，我建议你们，如果你有什么不可告人的事情，最好别跟任何人说。妈妈常说，纸是包不住火的。我终于学会这个道理了... 很多事情将它埋在心里就好了. 说出来只会令大家难受. 我已经决定把这些感觉永远留在心里面. 希望时间久了,它便会慢慢消失......... |
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| Someone asked me what I like to do for fun. I said, "blogging". Oh, what lies! Blogging used to be a good way for me to vent out my feelings, but I always seemed to forget that my Xanga is public. I never make any of my entries private though because what's the point of that? Aren't blogs meant to be publicized? So that people can blackmail you with stuff they infer from your blogs? Today marks the first day of the fourth week of my fall semester. You know what that means? One third of the semester has passed us by. So much to think about. So much to plan. So much to look forward to. And so much that I still have to let go before I can fully move forward. "你成为我的幸福我的主宰
你医治我心上所有的伤口
为了你 我将充满笑容
........................ 每当我掉下眼泪的时候
每当我生气不语皱着眉头
心里的感觉我说不出口
其实我最怕你飘然远走" Til' next time,
M |
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| 也许人就是这样。东西摆在面前的时候却不懂得好好珍惜。可当失去了它以后才发现它原来是多么的重要。我根本没有资格请求要第二个机会，因为是我没有好好把握上天赐给我的机会。这是上天给我的惩罚吧。这是我自作自受的。我再哭再喊也没用了。今次，我真的切地毁了自己了，毁了未来，毁了爸妈的期望，毁了我对朋友的承诺。
All is lost. It's not anyone's fault but my own. I know I try to put the blame on others for my failure because I'm afraid to face the fact that the fault is of my own doing. I have no right to be asking for a second chance, because I probably would not cherish the opportunity anyway, just like I haven't the first time.
I need a new beginning. I'm looking for a way out. Will fate let me find it? I don't think I can continue to face the consequences. Call me a coward or whatever you like, because I am one.
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